“Love hurts, love scars. Love wounds and marks.” You’ve probably heard your Gen X tito singing this Nazareth hit on the videoke. While the song perfectly captures the bittersweet sting of heartbreak, Valentine’s Day isn’t just about lamenting lost love. It’s more about celebrating the joy, passion, and intimacy that come with healthy relationships.

A huge part of a healthy relationship is respect for yourself and your partner, especially when it comes to physical intimacy. Although some Filipinos still find it hard to talk about sex, that shouldn’t be the case. This Love Month, let’s all sing a different tune as we talk openly about consent, safe sex, and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

I. Consent

Remember when you were younger and your crush stole a kiss on your cheek? You probably felt so kilig back then. But what if it was someone you don’t like who suddenly kissed you without asking? You’d probably feel pretty grossed out and go “Eew… kadiri!”

Nowadays, it’s important to respect other people’s boundaries, especially when it comes to physical intimacy like kissing or holding hands. Stealing a kiss is an outdated idea while mutual consent is more romantic. Instead of just going for it, it’s better to ask first. Saying something like, “Can I kiss you?” or “Can we HHWW?” shows that you care about and respect how the other person feels. 

The same goes for sex. Before anything happens, everyone involved should agree to it. That means seeking and receiving consent from each other. Aside from agreeing to have sex, you should also talk about what you want and what you’re okay with.

Silence is not consent. Just because someone doesn’t say “no” doesn’t mean they’re okay with having sex. They might be too shy or uncomfortable to speak up. It’s not cool to pressure or manipulate someone into doing something they don’t want to do. And if someone’s had too much to drink, they can’t give proper consent or make sound decisions. So it’s not okay to take advantage of them in that state.

And remember, someone can change their mind at any time. Even if they were okay with it at the start, they might not be anymore later on. Some people may not be comfortable doing certain positions or getting touched in certain places. So it’s good to keep checking in with each other.

Pay attention to how the other person is acting. If they seem uncomfortable or unsure, it’s better to stop and talk about it. Asking things like “Are you okay with this?” or “Do you want to keep going?” shows that you care about their feelings.

A. Initiation and Progression of Sex

Imagine you’re driving and you approach a busy intersection. The traffic light turns red, so you have to stop. Just like that, if your partner refuses your kalabit or advances, you need to stop, too. No matter how excited you are, when they say, “It’s not a safe day” or “Masakit ang ulo ko,” you need to respect your partner’s decision and stop.

When you see a yellow traffic signal, it’s telling you to be careful since the light will soon turn red. Think of it as the time during which your partner seems unsure or hesitant about going further. Ask them if something’s wrong and check if they still want to continue.

And then there’s the green light. When you see it, you can keep driving. In the bedroom, that means your partner also wants to have sex so they’re giving you the go-signal.

But remember, traffic signals change. Even if your partner gives you the green light at the start, they can still change their mind in the middle of the action. If the light suddenly turns red, so to say, you should stop, no matter how hard that would be.

B. Using Contraception

Mutual consent also means you understand all the possible risks and consequences of having sex. It’s important to be open-minded about using contraceptives. Before things get hot and steamy, make sure you and your partner use protection.

C. Getting Tested for Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) 

A healthy intimate relationship is not just about saying yes to sex or using protection. You also need to avoid health issues by getting tested for sexually transmitted infections (STIs). 

What are STIs or STDs?

These types of infections are passed from one person to another when they have sex. This happens when people share bodily fluids like semen, vaginal fluids, or blood during sex. Some STIs, like herpes and HPV, can spread just from touching the skin of someone who has them. And sometimes, people get STIs by sharing needles or syringes.

Why get tested?

Many STIs don’t show signs or symptoms, so you wouldn’t know if you’re already sick. If you have an STI and still have sex, you can pass it on to your partner. Surely, you don’t want that to happen.

To avoid spreading these sexually transmitted infections, you can either stop having sex altogether or have regular screening for HIV and other STDs. If the doctor says you have an infection, then you can start treatment early to avoid further complications like not being able to have babies, long-lasting pain, or even cancer. You can also take the necessary precautions to avoid passing the disease to other people.

Getting regular STI checkups also gives you peace of mind. If the results show you’re in the clear, then you can enjoy some intimate moments with your partner without worries. Of course, you still need to practice safe sex.

II. Modern Contraception Methods

Unprotected sex or sex without using any form of protection is a no-no. Unless you and your partner are trying to conceive a child, then using contraception is a must.

A. Possible Consequences of Unprotected Sex

Unprotected sex can have serious consequences for both your health and your future. Here are some possible risks:

Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs): Without protection, you are at risk of contracting STIs such as HIV/AIDS, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, and other infections.

Unplanned Pregnancy: An accidental pregnancy can cause a lot of stress, especially if you’re not emotionally and financially prepared. If you’re not ready to have a baby, then use contraception. Simple as that. 

Reproductive Health Problems: Unprotected sex can increase the risk of reproductive health issues, such as pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), infertility, and cervical cancer.

Legal Issues: Under Republic Act No. 8504, if you know you’re HIV-positive and still have unprotected sex without telling your partner, you can go to jail for six to twelve years.

B. Types of Contraception Methods

To know how to have safe sex, you need to learn different kinds of contraception methods. You want a birth control method that is effective against unwanted pregnancies and STIs, affordable, convenient, and without side effects.

Barrier Methods

Condoms are cheap, easy to find, and great at preventing both STIs and pregnancy. That’s why they’re the most common type of birth control you can easily carry in your pocket.

Spermicides are gels or creams that you put inside the vagina before sex. They have chemicals that stop sperm from reaching the egg, making it harder for women to get pregnant.

Diaphragms are reusable silicone domes that are also placed inside the vagina to block sperm from entering the cervix. They’re usually used with spermicides for better protection.

Cervical caps are soft silicone caps that look like tiny hats and are placed over the cervix before sex to keep sperm away from the egg. They also work better when you use them with spermicide.

Hormonal Methods

Birth control pills or oral contraceptives are 99% effective against pregnancy if taken correctly. They can also help with period problems and acne, but they don’t stop STDs.

Intrauterine devices (IUDs) are tiny, T-shaped devices that go into the uterus to stop pregnancy for up to 10 years. Like the other contraception methods in this list, IUDs don’t protect against sexually transmitted diseases.

Hormonal patches are stickers you put on your skin each week to stop pregnancy by releasing hormones.

Injectables are hormones injected into the upper arm that prevent pregnancy for 3 months to 1 year.

Birth control implants are small rods put under the skin of your arm to release hormones that prevent pregnancy for about 3 years.

Hormonal vaginal rings are placed inside the vagina and release hormones to stop the ovaries from producing eggs and make it harder for sperm to get through.

Fertility Awareness-Based Methods

Calendar Method means keeping track of your periods to guess when you’re most likely to get pregnant and avoiding having sex on these days. While you can have safe sex during menstruation, it may not be ideal for couples who don’t like the mess. Safe sex after period is not possible so always use protection. 

Cervical Mucus Method involves observing changes in the cervical mucus. It becomes clear and slippery around the time you could get pregnant.

Basal Body Temperature (BBT) Method involves checking your temperature every morning when you wake up. Your temperature changes slightly around the time you ovulate so abstain from sex during this period.

Permanent Birth Control Methods

Vasectomy is a simple but permanent surgery for men that cuts or blocks the tubes called the vas deferens or “sperm highway” to keep sperm from mixing with semen. With sperm out of the way, the semen ejaculated by guys can’t impregnate women.

Tubal Ligation or pagtatali is the permanent blocking of the fallopian tubes to keep women from getting pregnant.

To learn more about safe sex practices and birth control methods, you can read about Family Planning. Aside from the methods mentioned, Family Planning also teaches Filipinos about the Lactation Amenorrhea Method (LAM), which is an effective way to prevent breastfeeding moms from getting pregnant again. In other words, you can still have safe sex after giving birth.

III. Screening for HIV and Other STDs

Government HIV screening is free so there’s no reason for sexually active Filipinos not to get tested. Just visit a Family Planning clinic, a community health center, or other centers that are accredited by the Department of Health.

You can also ask your doctor for referrals or book an appointment at QuickRes or LoveYourself. If you’re still a little hesitant, you can use self-testing kits and then bring the results to your doctor.

Don’t hesitate to get tested for HIV and other STIs. Knowing your status lets you and your partner enjoy worry-free sex and have a happy and healthy Valentine’s Day. 

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